Archive for April, 2011

Beneath fear … LIFE! part 2

Magic was afoot from the first moments. After scouting for the place to build the medicine wheel, I formed a mound of sand then secured the central stone from Olympia on top of it. Stepping back, a glittering caught my eye. What was this? Gently I brushed away the grass. Half-buried within inches of the Olympia stone was a smooth, smoky red quartz crystal, about two inches long. Wow! Talk about the Welcome Mat being set out! I replaced the crystal, fully exposed now to the light. From that moment on, the wheel built itself, one element after another asking for inclusion … fern fronds, tiny English daisies, fans of cedar needles, a rose quartz crystal heart from Costa Rica.

The dawn ceremony was sweet … the intention the creation of the medicine wheel and all the healing it would bring to man and to the Earth. Then came all the rest of my morning duties taking the requested samples and establishing camp.

At the noon ceremony the Super Libra full moon that would peak at 1:10 pm asked for acknowledgment. The tide was smashing into shore, waves galloping every which way in a maelstrom of energy. And it wasn’t even high tide yet. Balance—the signature of Libra—seemed elusive. The energy increased. Waves that had traveled for thousands of miles careened into shore. Deadfall logs swept into the sea from the rainforests crashed together, booming like drums, beating against the base of the small sand cliff below. Wind driven rain lashed my face, pouring wetness on the fire that smoked the sky.

Illusion—the other hallmark of Libra—was being swept away. This moon was the herald. No longer could we sustain the illusion of our separateness from life. The Earth, the cosmos itself was demanding our full participation, thumping its chest, insisting on being seen and taken in.

High tide and the moon’s peak approach arrived within 37 minutes of each other. The energetic forces were beyond belief. This was the climactic meeting ground between the water and earth elements. A place where everything, every blade of grass, every bush and tree was molded by forces so huge they reduced the coastal reality to a narrow line drawn in shifting sand. I felt like a twig tossed in a massive flood, and yet still the energy built. I lay face down on the earth, arms outstretched towards the medicine wheel and let the energies pour through me. There could be no containment … only surrender.

I lay there for an hour? Slowly peace prevailed. The ravaging peak was over. The Earth held me. I held the Earth. Only much later after I had gotten up and changed my sodden clothes did I realize Kristine’s prediction had been a true one. Tsunami energy … impossibly powerful and relentless and yet, with surrender and love it could become peace …

Filled with gratitude, I watched the seas calm throughout the afternoon. Rain continued to pummel the shores to the north and south. But Kalaloch was suddenly blessed with only intermittent sprinkles. The wind died away. Patches of blue flirted with the clouds. I laughed and sang songs of love to the Earth and sky, ocean and fire.

The rest of the weekend passed like a song. My best friend, Fiona, unexpectedly joined me Saturday night. As the Sunday dawn ceremony concluded I wondered aloud what this world would be like if everyone entered the day honoring and acknowledging life with open gladdened hearts? In answer two eagles flew down the beach, landing directly in front of our camp. Soon a third eagle flew in. They stayed for almost an hour, busying themselves with a feast of razor clams. The message was clear…. Open your hearts and all shall be given because the All has been received.

Midnight ceremony and mystery beckoned. We are walking into the unknown! Yet somehow even this complete unknown future we are all creating is somehow familiar. How not? Time is not linear. It is vertical, containing only the Now, and the Now and the Now. Everything is held in that Space from the beginning to the end of Time. And then the cycle will begin anew—all the knowns rebirthed as a mystery to be breathlessly rediscovered over and over again.

On Monday we did not want to leave and yet it was time to go. A solitary eagle flew into the trees above us, calling, calling. Fiona waved goodbye and I resumed striking camp, disassembling the wheel, taking care of all the mundane details restoring the site to its original pristine condition. As I packed the last things away, the eagle gave a last series of calls, reminding me he was still there—an undeniable talisman showing me that my prayers had been heard … that all our prayers had been heard and that they had been good prayers.

Weeping in gratitude, I watched as he flew away towards the north, never hesitating or faltering in his determined course. I watched in admiration and vowed to never look backwards to my own past either.

It was my task to go to Quinault—a task set by Spirit—a task that would give me the opportunity to experience Life itself in a new way: Life as ceremony, ceremony as life. The most common situations filled with riches; the simplest action filled with meaning; every moment blessed with the full participation of all Life’s creatures showing up, doing their part in the play.

Thank you Blue Thunder. Thank you Kristine. Thank everyone who joined the wheel. Most of all, thank you Mother. Thank you for letting me know I no longer need forgiveness … only to participate fully, in gratitude every moment the rest of my life—a life that will never be the same.

Photo credit: Bill Nicholls

Beneath fear… LIFE

When you follow your heart you never know what’s going to show up. If you’re lucky it will be a hard road—not an impossible one—just hard. For difficulties are always self-inflicted blocks and wounds showing up to be healed and released. In my case the block I stumbled over after signing up to serve as ambassador to the Quinault Nation site on the Northwest Medicine Wheel was fear.

By age 59 I’d thought I’d pretty much done with fear. I’d loved and lost many times, and lived alone many times. I’d met death. I’d engaged the demons of the astral planes when my third eye opened. I’d learned about energy and transmuting thought, done ceremony, let business and success and partners, houses and belongings go to travel alone in South and Central America. I’d met my greatest fear—abuse at the hands of men—during an ayahuasca ceremony on the Amazon River, deep in the jungles of Peru when the shaman’s camp was attacked by bandits. I came to no harm … but the terror that had lain dormant inside me, deep in the genetics of my womanhood, produced a hard lesson to endure that night.

After that I thought I had emptied myself of fear. But I was wrong.

“Did you know there’s a massive earthquake due to hit the Northwest coast this weekend?” breathlessly asked a friend. “And there are supposed to be tsunamis hitting our coast—bigger than the ones in Japan!”

Youtube videos of geologists’ predictions arrived, unsolicited, in my email. More people called on Thursday to inform me that the weekend of the vernal Equinox and the Supermoon of March was going to be a doozy of disaster. Hang onto your hat, they all said, and put up emergency supplies.

Now ever since I was a little girl I’d had dreams—nightmares—of tsunamis. For over a decade I refused to go near the oceans and for another decade I was nauseous with terror just being near the coast—always on the lookout for that telltale withdrawal of the waters, always on the lookout for high ground to flee to. Eventually as I did more inner work the fear faded, and I lived for months on the west coast of Costa Rica, soaking up the glory of tropical beaches. But now my friend’s warnings stirred up a veritable storm of old emotions. The Quinault site was right on the ocean and all sorts of disaster images started parading through my head. Soon the fear got so bad I decided to resign my ambassadorship. After all, consciousness is non-local. I could put my energy at Quinault without having to send my body along with it.

Would it really matter if I skipped facing my fears … just this once?

Thank God for the Thursday night sweat. I offered my terror to the flames—the antipode of my watery visions. And in the heat and sweaty darkness perception of LIFE returned—that sweet grounded space of connectedness where all the illusions of the mind are shown for the phantoms they are … phantoms we all harbor and indulge; phantoms we traumatize ourselves with, allowing them the director’s chair of choice.

I left the sweat, shaky, but determined to stay in the present breathing moment. If I could stay there, perhaps I could manage to honor my word and commitment to Blue Thunder, to the Earth, and to myself. Maybe.

Friday morning and the ambassador’s meeting arrived. Blue Thunder listened gravely as I expressed my fear that I could not keep my fear at bay, my concern that I would drag it into ceremony, polluting the wheel. And he spoke of the forces that would pull us all down, that would hinder the progress of all peoples back into the light of Self awareness, knowledge and Spirit. After a cleansing he assured me I would do just fine. Kristine gave me the not-so-reassuring understanding that I was taking on tsunami energy for the entire planet to transmute. Feeling somewhat like a determined little donkey given its assigned burden to bear, I went home to prepare for the weekend.

On the road by 2:30 in the morning, the moon was riding high in a blackened night sky—the first clear night in weeks. As the miles clicked past, the trees and fields, forests and rivers and steams all seemed to nod at my passing, lending me their sturdy handle on the eternal nature of the life force, giving me strength and an acknowledgment of oneness. As I swept towards the coast an enormous tide of life energy rose with me, cradling me in its arms.

Kalaloch … “a good place to land” in the Quinault Native tongue. A good place to land, indeed! A secluded glade overlooking the thundering ocean from a small bluff, the surrounding fir trees were carved into individuality by the winds; their twisted forms toughened by the fierce energies where water and land meet. The grey sky was heavy with clouds and rain. The surf pounded even at low tide.

I had arrived at my destination. The story was just beginning.

Photo credit: Bill Nicholls